I have been back in the States since June 3. I wanted to give myself some time to relax and take in and enjoy.. it's now June 14. Yesterday was an important day because it was the last day of my "program"; the last day one could move out of the dorm I was living in.
It's been an insane six months. I loved it, hated it, wanted it to never end, wanted it to end. I grew up, challenged myself in ways I never thought possible and learned many things along the way. Speaking in generalities, of course. I figured I should end this blog on a good note since leaving it as it was lacked a sense of closure that I so depend on. I don't regret a single thing about studying abroad. I made some great friends and had some great times, saw things I never thought I would, developed a love for travel and desire to see the world and really learned how to make things happen for myself.
Perhaps the most important thing I have learned is that you don't always need to transplant your life around to achieve some feeling of living. I don't know how much sense that makes, but it seems to me that I am always leaving one place I love in a sort of bittersweet, nostalgic haze in efforts to go on to the next important part of my life. I'm always leaving, always coming back. I was fascinated by that for three years and I think really I understand now where that desire to always leaves comes from and how it will ultimately be tamed. I didn't think I could ever settle before because there is too much of the world that I want to see, too much to experience and not enough time to do it. Living in such a fast-paced, big-city enviornment, which was somehow the mecca of all of this desire to get up and go in my mind, really took its toll on me in both a good and bad way, and I am the better for it. But I have a stronger sense of faith now that I can someday soon settle comfortably, expatriate or not.
Home has been home. Being so far away for so long really challenged my notions of what "home" means, what being American means and made me understand the effects of my absence on both myself and those a part of my life. I wish I could somehow explain that better. The cotidial life is so different here from that of London, which is just further emphasized by the fact I have no car or job (a first), but I am getting used to it. I think I might head back to Arizona earlier than usual in efforts to get a job there and keep it through the year. I can't believe this experience is so over, I can't believe I am actually 21 and I can't believe I am starting my final year of college.. all things I don't want to think about but am simultaneously amped for.
I think in a few months, after this has all been fully processed in my mind, I can write a much more coherent goodbye. I guess that's the point. This here entry is both a send-off and a hello to what's to come. I like blogging and I think a bunch of people read this, so I might start a new one. TUSEWRLHR is done for now though. So I hope you had as much fun as I did!
I'm going to leave with a quote. I was re-reading my main man Hemingway a few nights ago and stumbled across this quote, which of course better puts what I think into words than I can:
Listen, Robert, going to another country doesn't make any difference. I've tried all that. You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There's nothing to that.-The Sun Also Rises, p.11
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